When Being Second is Awesome: The Remarkable Power of Joining In

We often think of coming in second as, well... not first.

It’s the place of almost had it or better luck next time.

Coming in second doesn’t carry the glow of winning. Our efforts feel less significant, less meaningful, than being “first.” But is that really true?

The First Spark: One Dances Alone

Recently, I rewatched a TED Talk that Mark and I love - one that centers on the power of community. In the talk, a short clip illustrates how social movements begin and how they sustain real change.

In the clip, a group of people sit on a hillside listening to a concert. One man stands up and begins dancing - silly, fluid, completely uninhibited.

The group ignores him. For a long, uncomfortable moment, he dances alone. Then another man stands up and joins him. The first man welcomes him instantly. They begin playing off one another - dancing, smiling, joking. Soon a

third person joins in. They laugh, twirl, and move with pure joy, inviting others without words. Then three more join. And three more!

Suddenly, this is the cool group. People rush to be part of it. Within minutes, the

hillside erupts with dancing, laughing, and singing. A community is born.

This clip is often shown in leadership classes to demonstrate how movements rise. A leader is the one who steps outside the norm - who risks ridicule or rejection in service of a greater vision. But without a second person, the leader remains alone, exposed, and vulnerable.

It’s the second who transforms an individual act into a movement.

The Catalyst: Where Momentum Begins

As humans, we've been conditioned to stand with the group - at work, in families, in our communities - even when the group’s norms do not align with our values.

This is understandable. Standing apart is frightening. We are hardwired to avoid

exile for our survival.

And yet, there is marvelous power in joining another. Suddenly, we are no longer alone. Together, we weather storms, find comfort in companionship, and sometimes we laugh, even in the darkest moments.

The Remarkable Power of Joining In

History is full of extraordinary twosomes - imperfect, courageous partnerships that defied the odds, sparked evolution, and changed the course of events. It is their flaws that make them lovable... their humanity makes them relatable. In them, we see

ourselves - and realize we, too, can be brave.

Today, our world desperately needs second mates. As systems break down, many people are frozen - confused, fearful, uncertain how to move forward, especially when their values are tested.

In difficult times, we often look to leaders to save us. But it is the ones who come in second who provide the rocket fuel. Without joiners, nothing happens.

So the next time you see someone standing up for love, joy, the earth, or humanity - and your heart stirs - join in. Add your voice. Step into the dance. Stand beside the leader and become a sacred twosome.

Allow yourself to belong to something larger: an inner truth, a powerful belief, a spiritual practice, a deep and sustaining love - the kind that nourishes you even when others threaten exile.

Because sometimes, being second is exactly where the magic begins.